The Colouring Book of Life: Why Kids from the Same Home Turn Out So Different
And how neuroscience explains the power of personal wiring
A few weeks ago, I was having a deep and thought-provoking conversation with my sister-in-law.
We were reflecting on families, specifically, how siblings raised under the same roof, with the same parents, same schools, same meals, and (seemingly) the same opportunities, can grow up to become completely different people.
One may be driven, grounded, and successful. The other messed up, stuck, unmotivated, and constantly overwhelmed by life.
I shared an analogy that I've actually never thought off before.
Every one of us is handed the same colouring book in life. The picture may be the same, but the colours we each pick and choose, are vastly different.
Same Picture. Different Colours.
The colouring book represents the shared framework of our early lives, family structure, cultural background, access to education, the physical home. But the actual colours?
Those are shaped by how our internal systems process and respond to life. Even within the same household, each child experiences things differently, feels things differently, and ultimately responds differently. God's word does after all say, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 129:14, NIV). In Hebrew, the word translated as "wonderfully made" carries the idea of being set apart, distinct, and marvelous, emphasizing that each person is created with intention and uniqueness.
One may use the “colour” of adversity as fuel to rise above.
Another may be overwhelmed by that same adversity, internalizing it as personal failure or rejection.
And the reason has everything to do with how we are wired.
The Nervous System: Your Inner Colour Selector
From birth our nervious system is constantly scanning our world for cues. This is the work of the autonomic nervous system, and it doesn’t take instructions from logic. It responds to felt experience.
Each child’s nervous system is shaped by:
The quality of emotional connection they had with caregivers,
Their individual temperament and sensitivity,
How often they felt seen, heard, and safe,
How stress and conflict were handled in the home,
And the meaning they made of life’s moments.
This wiring forms neural pathways that govern how we respond to stress, failure, love, conflict, and risk. One child’s nervous system may be wired for resilience and exploration; the other for caution and withdrawal.
Same events. Different internal responses. Different life outcomes.
Beyond Nature and Nurture: It’s the Narrative
What we often overlook is the story we tell ourselves about what happens to us.
A parent missing a school play might become, for one child:
"They were busy, but I’m still important."
For another:
"I must not matter. I'm not worth showing up for."
These interpretations crafted in childhood (and still through-out adulthood) and usually unconscious, become the inner dialogue that shapes adult identity. We don’t live out the facts of our past, we live out the meaning we gave them. And by the way, research has shown that our memories are not as reliable as we thinkg. Dr Elizabeth Loftus' research on false memories shown that about 70% specific memories may contain inaccuracies or alterations when examined over time, depending on the context. For highly emotional or traumatic events, memory distortion is even more likely due to the brain's protective mechanisms.
Same coloring book, same picture, different colors.
The Brain Can Rewire. The Picture Can Change.
Here's the miracle: your colouring book isn’t finished.
Thanks to neuroplasticity, the brain is changeable
We can pick up new crayons, reframe old stories, and rewire responses that were shaped in survival mode.
It's all about the meaning you attach to the picture, that will determine what colors you are going to choose.
You get to rewrite your narrative. Not by pretending the past didn’t happen, but by reinterpreting what it means about you now.
Final Thoughts
So the next time you wonder how two kids from the same family can walk such different paths, remember:
It’s not just the home—it’s the internal wiring. It’s not the picture, it’s the colouring pens they picked.
And the best part?
No matter what colours you started with, you get to choose new ones.
Want to Reframe Your Story?
I’ve seen how powerful it is when someone begins to understand that they’re not broken, they’re just wired a certain way. And wiring can change.
I've created a 3-Day Breakthrough Program, which is a short, high-impact experience designed to help you uncover the root of what’s been holding you back and give you the tools to shift it.
Over 3 consecutive days, we meet for 90 minutes each day. You show up. You do the inner work. And you walk away with clarity, momentum, and a renewed sense of power over your own story.
It’s not a seminar. It’s not a lecture.
It’s a transformation experience.
👉 Click here to join the 3-Day Breakthrough Program
Spots are limited to keep it personal and powerful.
